hi thereeeee peeps!
never actually thought there's anyone reading dis but nah idc, i think im gonna keep this page with me for as long as i find it useful. just to pour out things.
2016 is leaving. few days left and it's new year. im scared. terrified too i might say. if i have to express how this year is like, i could say that 2016 is somehow a bad memory to me. mostly were just tears tears and tears.
in case to those who havent been told yet, my mother suffered a sickness that shook us all. couldnt say what it was here, but it's not little, i must say. it happened when dad wasnt even home. he was away for at least 2 weeks. it happened too fast and took its toll on me. being the first daughter i was most affected, when mom was warded for days with breathing support and all. i couldnt tell just how painful it was seeing my mother cry alone. it was devastating. knowing i would leave in two months' time, i just cant simply imagine it coming true.
sadly enough, i was the one who wanted to leave the house so badly.
and this happened.
of course i dont want to leave anymore. i wish i can spend everyday at home being with her. i wish i can work with her, be her PA or something. anything that can make her feel better. my sister's just turning 9, so how can she possibly understand this. dad isnt being himself anymore, he was more anxious, and he isnt taking care of himself so well. it affected the entire family. and i had to keep my eyes open.
right now i can just possibly look at the sky and hope for a miracle. hope for something better to happen and knock on our doors. my door. im scared to leave. im scared that time just flies too fast.
oh Allah, whatever should i do? :'(
