took me three months to digest things. growing up, i realized God had given so much to me. if i hadn't spend a day to just thank Him, then i'm an absolute fool. the least thing i should do is too be thankful for whatever God has given me.
this is gonna be a bit boring, but i just wanna tell you a bit of my life (before i get to the main point lels) i started off with a beautiful childhood, i went to a good school. people looked down at the place i live in, but honestly, humans are always about developing, and improving. and honestly, kelantan's not all that bad. i had the best memories here. 5A's, alhamdulillah. it was magical considering i had to compete with other 54 genius freaks in my class, minus the other classes. mind you, my school isn't really a good place to study unless you're up for extreme pressures from among the best teachers in the state and the super talented, brilliant kids from your neighborhood. what a living hell. then along came PMR, which i slacked off a bit, threw a fit for it. although again, it wasn't actually that bad. but to a girl who dreamed of only perfection, getting a B for geography (which people think is very easy to score) wasn't the best thing ever to happen after all. remained in the same school, i fought hard, so hard to get straight A's for SPM. of course, everybody else was doing the same. it's just that i fought ten times harder. i wasn't exactly a smart person, and i lacked in so many things. but alhamdulillah, God is mighty, and understanding. i guess i was very lucky to achieve such results, but above all, only Allah knows for sure.
to tell you the truth, having doctors as parents isn't very much comforting. everyday you are expected to do great things. sometimes too great to admit. too great that i couldn't bear the expectations. they wanted another doctor in the family (this doesn't happen only in dramas okay), and yet again, Allah knows best. here i am taking my own ride as a future engineer. i liked it though, because finally i'm not following people's needs; my parents' needs, and just outlining my own adventurous schemes.
completing IB as the first checkpoint was definitely, i repeat, definitely NOT the best choice i've ever made. dumbfounded by the fact that i'm all alone pursuing engineering in the family, taking IB as the first loooooong step was a very BAD, BAD IDEA.
but...
waking up today i realized it all ended. i completed IB successfully, and it was by far the most unbelievable truth i could accept. in the last posts i was talking about how uncertain i was in getting a good score. being a scholar, you just have to follow whatever is required by the sponsors. and that's NOT an easy thing. i honestly thought i wouldn't make it. i wouldn't. i mean, how would i? no matter how people believed in me, i never truly believed myself.
bad vibes, miya. bad vibes.
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| IB Graduation Day, at PICC (13/8/2016) |
but tadaaaaaa. i did it! i made it! i passed the requirements yeaaaaaay! (even barely)
if this isn't beautiful, i don't know what is.
not even a day passed by that i didn't shed a tear thinking just how great Allah is, and how lucky i am up till now. nobody would know just how much i cry for this, just how much i keep thanking Allah for this. clearly i don't deserve this, as compared to whatever things i did to disappoint my own God, my own beliefs. truly, i deserved nothing. :'(
but this...this, is beyond i can ever ask for.
Allah, the Most Merciful, aren't you just so beautiful?
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| this is for you, Mama and Abah <3 |
three months passed. waking up today and i realized it ended. and it ended well.
so what's next, guys?
i don't know. i honestly don't know. you can probably guess what i'm doing now. filling up forms, yes, mereput, absolutely. kumpul lemak everyday, yes top of the list for sure (lol no)
my only message is that, whatever you do in life, just never give up. just never stop talking to Allah. He listens, every time. no matter how tensed the situation gets, no matter how lost you are, just keep talking to Him. i probably am among the luckiest people in the world, who knows.
but what i know for sure, is that always, i have Allah by my side.
if this doesn't inspire you, i don't know what will. just close your eyes and tell yourself you can make it.
and you absolutely will. good luck, soldier.
-miya salzihan