hi thereeeee peeps!
never actually thought there's anyone reading dis but nah idc, i think im gonna keep this page with me for as long as i find it useful. just to pour out things.
2016 is leaving. few days left and it's new year. im scared. terrified too i might say. if i have to express how this year is like, i could say that 2016 is somehow a bad memory to me. mostly were just tears tears and tears.
in case to those who havent been told yet, my mother suffered a sickness that shook us all. couldnt say what it was here, but it's not little, i must say. it happened when dad wasnt even home. he was away for at least 2 weeks. it happened too fast and took its toll on me. being the first daughter i was most affected, when mom was warded for days with breathing support and all. i couldnt tell just how painful it was seeing my mother cry alone. it was devastating. knowing i would leave in two months' time, i just cant simply imagine it coming true.
sadly enough, i was the one who wanted to leave the house so badly.
and this happened.
of course i dont want to leave anymore. i wish i can spend everyday at home being with her. i wish i can work with her, be her PA or something. anything that can make her feel better. my sister's just turning 9, so how can she possibly understand this. dad isnt being himself anymore, he was more anxious, and he isnt taking care of himself so well. it affected the entire family. and i had to keep my eyes open.
right now i can just possibly look at the sky and hope for a miracle. hope for something better to happen and knock on our doors. my door. im scared to leave. im scared that time just flies too fast.
oh Allah, whatever should i do? :'(
went through IB, and i woke up one day to realize it ended.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
took me three months to digest things. growing up, i realized God had given so much to me. if i hadn't spend a day to just thank Him, then i'm an absolute fool. the least thing i should do is too be thankful for whatever God has given me.
this is gonna be a bit boring, but i just wanna tell you a bit of my life (before i get to the main point lels) i started off with a beautiful childhood, i went to a good school. people looked down at the place i live in, but honestly, humans are always about developing, and improving. and honestly, kelantan's not all that bad. i had the best memories here. 5A's, alhamdulillah. it was magical considering i had to compete with other 54 genius freaks in my class, minus the other classes. mind you, my school isn't really a good place to study unless you're up for extreme pressures from among the best teachers in the state and the super talented, brilliant kids from your neighborhood. what a living hell. then along came PMR, which i slacked off a bit, threw a fit for it. although again, it wasn't actually that bad. but to a girl who dreamed of only perfection, getting a B for geography (which people think is very easy to score) wasn't the best thing ever to happen after all. remained in the same school, i fought hard, so hard to get straight A's for SPM. of course, everybody else was doing the same. it's just that i fought ten times harder. i wasn't exactly a smart person, and i lacked in so many things. but alhamdulillah, God is mighty, and understanding. i guess i was very lucky to achieve such results, but above all, only Allah knows for sure.
to tell you the truth, having doctors as parents isn't very much comforting. everyday you are expected to do great things. sometimes too great to admit. too great that i couldn't bear the expectations. they wanted another doctor in the family (this doesn't happen only in dramas okay), and yet again, Allah knows best. here i am taking my own ride as a future engineer. i liked it though, because finally i'm not following people's needs; my parents' needs, and just outlining my own adventurous schemes.
completing IB as the first checkpoint was definitely, i repeat, definitely NOT the best choice i've ever made. dumbfounded by the fact that i'm all alone pursuing engineering in the family, taking IB as the first loooooong step was a very BAD, BAD IDEA.
but...
waking up today i realized it all ended. i completed IB successfully, and it was by far the most unbelievable truth i could accept. in the last posts i was talking about how uncertain i was in getting a good score. being a scholar, you just have to follow whatever is required by the sponsors. and that's NOT an easy thing. i honestly thought i wouldn't make it. i wouldn't. i mean, how would i? no matter how people believed in me, i never truly believed myself.
bad vibes, miya. bad vibes.
but tadaaaaaa. i did it! i made it! i passed the requirements yeaaaaaay! (even barely)
if this isn't beautiful, i don't know what is.
not even a day passed by that i didn't shed a tear thinking just how great Allah is, and how lucky i am up till now. nobody would know just how much i cry for this, just how much i keep thanking Allah for this. clearly i don't deserve this, as compared to whatever things i did to disappoint my own God, my own beliefs. truly, i deserved nothing. :'(
but this...this, is beyond i can ever ask for.
Allah, the Most Merciful, aren't you just so beautiful?
im just waiting for the time i can finally be here...
pray for me guys. do pray for me.
my only message is that, whatever you do in life, just never give up. just never stop talking to Allah. He listens, every time. no matter how tensed the situation gets, no matter how lost you are, just keep talking to Him. i probably am among the luckiest people in the world, who knows.
but what i know for sure, is that always, i have Allah by my side.
if this doesn't inspire you, i don't know what will. just close your eyes and tell yourself you can make it.
and you absolutely will. good luck, soldier.
-miya salzihan
took me three months to digest things. growing up, i realized God had given so much to me. if i hadn't spend a day to just thank Him, then i'm an absolute fool. the least thing i should do is too be thankful for whatever God has given me.
this is gonna be a bit boring, but i just wanna tell you a bit of my life (before i get to the main point lels) i started off with a beautiful childhood, i went to a good school. people looked down at the place i live in, but honestly, humans are always about developing, and improving. and honestly, kelantan's not all that bad. i had the best memories here. 5A's, alhamdulillah. it was magical considering i had to compete with other 54 genius freaks in my class, minus the other classes. mind you, my school isn't really a good place to study unless you're up for extreme pressures from among the best teachers in the state and the super talented, brilliant kids from your neighborhood. what a living hell. then along came PMR, which i slacked off a bit, threw a fit for it. although again, it wasn't actually that bad. but to a girl who dreamed of only perfection, getting a B for geography (which people think is very easy to score) wasn't the best thing ever to happen after all. remained in the same school, i fought hard, so hard to get straight A's for SPM. of course, everybody else was doing the same. it's just that i fought ten times harder. i wasn't exactly a smart person, and i lacked in so many things. but alhamdulillah, God is mighty, and understanding. i guess i was very lucky to achieve such results, but above all, only Allah knows for sure.
to tell you the truth, having doctors as parents isn't very much comforting. everyday you are expected to do great things. sometimes too great to admit. too great that i couldn't bear the expectations. they wanted another doctor in the family (this doesn't happen only in dramas okay), and yet again, Allah knows best. here i am taking my own ride as a future engineer. i liked it though, because finally i'm not following people's needs; my parents' needs, and just outlining my own adventurous schemes.
completing IB as the first checkpoint was definitely, i repeat, definitely NOT the best choice i've ever made. dumbfounded by the fact that i'm all alone pursuing engineering in the family, taking IB as the first loooooong step was a very BAD, BAD IDEA.
but...
waking up today i realized it all ended. i completed IB successfully, and it was by far the most unbelievable truth i could accept. in the last posts i was talking about how uncertain i was in getting a good score. being a scholar, you just have to follow whatever is required by the sponsors. and that's NOT an easy thing. i honestly thought i wouldn't make it. i wouldn't. i mean, how would i? no matter how people believed in me, i never truly believed myself.
bad vibes, miya. bad vibes.
 | |||
| IB Graduation Day, at PICC (13/8/2016) |
but tadaaaaaa. i did it! i made it! i passed the requirements yeaaaaaay! (even barely)
if this isn't beautiful, i don't know what is.
not even a day passed by that i didn't shed a tear thinking just how great Allah is, and how lucky i am up till now. nobody would know just how much i cry for this, just how much i keep thanking Allah for this. clearly i don't deserve this, as compared to whatever things i did to disappoint my own God, my own beliefs. truly, i deserved nothing. :'(
but this...this, is beyond i can ever ask for.
Allah, the Most Merciful, aren't you just so beautiful?
 | ||
| this is for you, Mama and Abah <3 |
three months passed. waking up today and i realized it ended. and it ended well.
so what's next, guys?
i don't know. i honestly don't know. you can probably guess what i'm doing now. filling up forms, yes, mereput, absolutely. kumpul lemak everyday, yes top of the list for sure (lol no)
my only message is that, whatever you do in life, just never give up. just never stop talking to Allah. He listens, every time. no matter how tensed the situation gets, no matter how lost you are, just keep talking to Him. i probably am among the luckiest people in the world, who knows.
but what i know for sure, is that always, i have Allah by my side.
if this doesn't inspire you, i don't know what will. just close your eyes and tell yourself you can make it.
and you absolutely will. good luck, soldier.
-miya salzihan
dreams, positivity, and hope.
Salam Ramadhan Kareem to all.
last time i wrote about kindness topped up to a certain limit. i said that we should be choosy, and prioritize to whom and to what we should be kind for. i admit that's kind of wrong. i was emotionally affected by the words and actions of an old friend, therefore making me say things i don't mean. in that case, would be the main reason why i deleted the post before making this one.
word for all, we should never be choosy at all. in all circumstances, unless necessary for us to stay put, always and always stand up and be brave, and help people. as our Prophet himself encourages, all kind people who do good things to people shall be rewarded with something more. And Allah mentions too, that things you've lost in giving shall be rewarded with something beyond you can ever imagine. what is there to lose, really?
so the results will be out in a few days. i'm nervous, but that's normal right? everybody would feel the same way. it alarmed me of how terrifying it can be, but i know i have Allah with me. Allah is always there for me. Whenever im lost or whenever im there at the right place, i am always under his watch, and care. this post is specifically made for myself, in case one day i have lost myself again.
abah said about it is never the end of the world, and that great things take time. true that. after few days of contemplating, reflecting, thinking, and persevering, i hereby decided that indeed, engineering is the right path for me. now everything just makes sense. whatever happens i will keep on trying my best to excel in this particular professionalism, and strive for the better good.
be an engineer. be a Muslim engineer.
i tried my best. and the two years were very painful. i just hope that kind of struggle ends there, and never become a part of my traumas in the future. Oh Allah, please have this end well for me. Please make my parents proud of me, of all the years and money and time that they've sacrificed for me. Oh Allah, please grant Wan Nur Amirah Md Salzihan success in IB. ToT
may the best be in our favor. may the winners win. may the rest stay strong.
good luck, Averroes. good luck KMB1416. my best wishes are with you, always and forever.
wallahualam.
miya salzihan
last time i wrote about kindness topped up to a certain limit. i said that we should be choosy, and prioritize to whom and to what we should be kind for. i admit that's kind of wrong. i was emotionally affected by the words and actions of an old friend, therefore making me say things i don't mean. in that case, would be the main reason why i deleted the post before making this one.
word for all, we should never be choosy at all. in all circumstances, unless necessary for us to stay put, always and always stand up and be brave, and help people. as our Prophet himself encourages, all kind people who do good things to people shall be rewarded with something more. And Allah mentions too, that things you've lost in giving shall be rewarded with something beyond you can ever imagine. what is there to lose, really?
so the results will be out in a few days. i'm nervous, but that's normal right? everybody would feel the same way. it alarmed me of how terrifying it can be, but i know i have Allah with me. Allah is always there for me. Whenever im lost or whenever im there at the right place, i am always under his watch, and care. this post is specifically made for myself, in case one day i have lost myself again.
abah said about it is never the end of the world, and that great things take time. true that. after few days of contemplating, reflecting, thinking, and persevering, i hereby decided that indeed, engineering is the right path for me. now everything just makes sense. whatever happens i will keep on trying my best to excel in this particular professionalism, and strive for the better good.
be an engineer. be a Muslim engineer.
i tried my best. and the two years were very painful. i just hope that kind of struggle ends there, and never become a part of my traumas in the future. Oh Allah, please have this end well for me. Please make my parents proud of me, of all the years and money and time that they've sacrificed for me. Oh Allah, please grant Wan Nur Amirah Md Salzihan success in IB. ToT
may the best be in our favor. may the winners win. may the rest stay strong.
good luck, Averroes. good luck KMB1416. my best wishes are with you, always and forever.
wallahualam.
miya salzihan
of fears and doubts.
so IB dah habis daaaaaah, yes and major yes. yay!
so what's in it for me? i don't know.
cross fingers, no doubt. all i had to do now is pray and tawakkal.
because indeed, only Allah knows. only Him.
and He is the Best Painter of my life canvas.
wallahualam.
miya salzihan
even when i think about it for a moment then and now, i still couldn't believe it.
true enough, if i think i can make it, i certainly can. and i did.
but of course, game's not over.
the results are coming out this July, and it's during Raya celebrations.
i don't even know what to feel, or think.
the best thing to say is that probably my heart and mind are filled with nothing but fear, and doubt.
to start of with, i never wanted to take engineering.
but you know what the quote says, ''Allah's 'no' is not a rejection, but a redirection.''
so when college decided engineering for me instead of medicine, i only have this quote in mind.
at least, that's what i hold onto for two years straight.
and it's not easy at all.
the inner conflicts, the dilemma...only Allah knows how much i suffered back then. not even a living soul knows what i've been through. or feels. even so, i had the support i needed, so thanks a lot to those bunch of cool people.
there are three possible outcomes though, for this. for July 2016.
1. either i get my required diploma and scholarship.
2. i get my required diploma, but without scholarship.
3. i get none of the above.
what scares me most is the third one.
even though the chances are rare, but there still are possibilities.
i doubted myself before. and i was afraid it'll take its toll on my results.
because let's face it, engineering is one of the hardest courses in IB, relatively to others.
and i am just like a fish out of water, lost and breathless.
fear, fear, fear.
doubts, doubts, and doubts.
we say never doubt Allah's plans for us.
i didn't.
or at least, i tried,
real hard.
so what's in it for me? i don't know.
cross fingers, no doubt. all i had to do now is pray and tawakkal.
because indeed, only Allah knows. only Him.
and He is the Best Painter of my life canvas.
wallahualam.
miya salzihan
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